My roommate and I were talking about cheaters and if they should tell their partner.  The whole conversation stemmed from Grey’s Anatomy.  If you don’t watch it, bare with me, this will only take a second.  George, a recently married man, slept with his best friend Izzy one night when they both got hammered.  George told Izzy not to say anything to anyone.  He didn’t want his wife to find out because why would he tell her only to hurt her?  Just to make himself feel better? 

I’ll always side with honesty because no matter how hard you try to hide it, the truth always comes out.  But I surprised even myself.  If it was a one time totally isolated incident that will never and I mean NEVER happen again, then I could see George’s point.  In many ways telling someone about your infidelity only hurts the person you love and often is more of a selfish act then a selfless one.  You clear your own conscience but only to muddy up your love’s.  

Personally I don’t think I could keep something like that from my man but if he kept a one time oops…BIG OOPS, from me I might be able to look past it but only if it never happens again.  However, having said that, if afterwards there are feelings, thoughts, and wondering about someone else going on in my man’s head, then I need to know.  Then it’s more than a one time occurrence.  He’s thinking about cheating on me again?  Nuh-ah.  I will not have that.  There’s the 2 strikes.  I’m all for fantasy but not if the urge is there to act them out.

On tonight’s Grey’s, George forgot about a coffee date with his wife because he was with Izzy helping her.  Izzy told him her feelings.  He left but then immediately came back.  That’s too much.  Strike one, sleeping with Izzy.  Strike two, putting Izzy above the needs of his wife.  When that happened on the show I turned to my roommate.  “Now he has to tell her.  It’s not right.  He has to do something.” 

I haven’t slept with anyone else while dating someone but I’ve done my share of cheating.  I’ve kissed other guys.  I’ve flirted with other guys to a point I shouldn’t have.  But worst of all, I’ve cheated in my mind.  Emotionally, I detached myself from my boyfriend.  I was actively looking for something else.  I wouldn’t have acted but I was looking.  I stopped thinking about his needs or feelings.  And that’s about the time I break up with the guy.  I’ve hurt one man by trying to make him jealous.  It’s just not worth it.  Not for anyone.  Yes, I was young and I’d like to think I’m no longer like that.  Am I?  Shit.  I don’t know.  Give me someone I can actually date and I’ll let you know how it pans out.  At least I see the error of my ways and hopefully I will not go back to those silly childish games when I do find the right one for me.