I know Hometown Boy likes me.  It’s very clear.  From him remembering some of the most minute details of our childhood and things that we did together.  Hell, most of what he remembers I long since forgot.  One story that keeps coming up is when he bet me his lite up yo-yo.  I still haven’t figured out what we bet but boy do I remember that yo-yo.  It was 2nd grade.

Last week was definitely out of the ordinary.  I went to HtB’s house on Thursday night.  He had gotten back from California on Wednesday.  The night went great especially since we hadn’t seen each other in weeks but we talked about a lot over email while he was away.  We hung out on the couch watching TV and playing Guitar Hero.  **BTW, I SUCK at Guitar Hero even though it was only my first time.**  We talked a lot.  Not about much.  Just catching up.  Finally we made our way to bed.  Normally this would be where I tell you all about the sex we had and all that jazz but this time it was different.  We laid in bed for 3 hours kissing and talking.  Nothing else.  It was absolutely wonderful.

The weekend quickly came.  Friday night I had a “girl’s only party” at my house which I’ll have to post about later.  Saturday, I invited Hometown Boy to my aunt and uncle’s anniversary party.  I was surprised he went.  I gave him several options for how the night could go yet he wanted to go to the family party.  He held is own very well of course he already knew my immediate family from our childhood. 

After the anniversary party we drove downtown to meet up with a bunch of my friends.  I felt a little bad for him since it was a whole night of him not knowing a soul except me.  That didn’t stop him though.  He did his best to meet and get to know everyone there.  From the response of my girl friends, I think he did alright.  I know I was impressed with him.

Sunday HtB and I went for a run.  We cooled down by taking a shower…together.  **Now keep in mind that we still have not had sex.  Shower.  No sex.**  After our shower we laid around in bed all afternoon just talking.  No music.  No TV.  Just him and I for hours laying there in each others arms mostly naked.  It wasn’t until 8 pm when we finally parted ways - over 24 hours of together time.

Throughout the week we emailed a lot again.  It was decided I would go to his house again on Thursday, last night.  We watched Juno and had a few small “talks” about children and our own families growing up.  There are so many similarities it’s almost scary.  It was so nice to cuddle on the couch.  I’ve really grown used to his kisses and I really enjoy them.  Then bedtime hit and we went to bed.  One thing led to another and, well,… you know.  He was a tad insecure but not in a pathetic way at all.  He just didn’t want to disappoint.  I later found out why.  Let’s just say his numbers are low.  My numbers haven’t been that low since I became sexually active.  After finding that out I really felt honored that he felt comfortable enough with me to add me to the very, very, very few.  Things seemed to be looking up.  The boy’s obviously into me and then more.  Sigh! 

As we laid in bed we started getting into where “we” are.  That’s when the fantasy started to fade.  I stayed quiet and let him talk.  I didn’t ask him to but he felt he needed to.  He said I was “a really good friend” plus some other stuff about not wanting a relationship right now.  He added that he met me at a great time (after he was crushed by someone else).  He assured me that he doesn’t want to hurt me in any way and that he likes spending time with me, wasn’t expecting any of this.  Then followed up with, “we were supposed to just go skiing.”  He again made it clear that he plans to date other people.  I told him I’m not.  I’m burned out of the dating scene right now and just not interested in it.  He assured me he would be ok with me dating so don’t feel like I can’t.  I didn’t know what to say.  It was quiet as we laid there naked in each others arms.  Then I asked if he would be ok with me laying naked in bed with some other guy.  He wasn’t at all phased by it.  Like seriously not AT ALL.  WTF?  He asked if I would be if he was.  I said no.  I’d be jealous.  **I don’t want to think about him with other women.  C’mon.** 

“I thought you weren’t a jealous person” he said. 

“I’m typically not but yes, that would bother me.” 

We left things alone for a while but then he brought up the complications with him moving back to CA and how he doesn’t want to plan his future.  He just wants to feel it out and know what he’s feeling is real.  I told him I want him to stay in the area long enough for us to know if big changes to our lives are worth it.  I know he’s moving back to California.  There isn’t a question but the only unknown right now is when exactly is he leaving.  He felt the same.

I don’t understand him.  **I know, I’m not supposed to understand everything but…**  One second he’s saying I’m a “good friend” (I gave him a lot of shit about saying that) then the next he’s leading on that he’s really into me.  I don’t get it.  I got an email from him earlier this evening saying he was busy tonight and that tomorrow he’s heading out for a “boy’s night” with another guy from H.S.  At least I’ll see him on Sunday when we go for our run.  I’m beginning to think I need to hold back more.  I don’t want to be too accessible but I don’t want him to have too much time alone finding other people.  However I can’t stop thinking about him telling me ”he’s busy tonight”.  What’s he’s busy with or who is he busy with?  I’m not supposed to be the insecure one.  Why am I?  I know he likes me more then he’ll tell me with direct words.  It’s so apparent in the way he talks and the way he acts.  I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way but I just can’t help it.  UGH!