It’s amazing how often I tend to hear what I want to hear instead of hearing what is said. Well, it happened again. I was sure that Hometown Boy was just blowing hot air when he told me he was dating around. Nope. Not so much. I still haven’t asked him many (if any) questions about this “other woman” but they are probably going to start pretty soon. **Why is it that I’m always dealing with other women?** There are some still vague questions which I need answered such as “Did you know this other woman before moving back to the area?” She lives some where in the vicinity. If he made a conscience effort of moving back here to see “what if” with her then I think I’ll need to back out of the whole situation. I know he’s been seeing her longer then he’s been seeing me but that’s where the information was left…because I didn’t ask. I don’t want to pry but I also no longer know if I should believe what he’s telling me and I can’t get caught up in another situation similar to the one I was in with the Old Man. I know I’m not strong enough for that. Emotionally I can’t deal with being “the other woman” and since the relationship with this other person has been going on longer then his and mine, that’s exactly how I feel, like the other woman.

I do really like the man and he seems genuinely interested in me. I can’t imagine he’s allowing this other person to share his bed with him because he does live with his sister and that would just be awkward for her to see one woman one night and another the next. However, that doesn’t mean he’s not spending nights at her place. Ugh! The whole thing is irritating. When I told my roommate that the other woman does in fact exist she was speechless, literally, speechless. She’s seen the two of us together on more then one occasion and said, “I can’t believe he’s seeing someone else. He’s completely into you. I’ve seen the way he is with you.” That’s just it. I know the way he is with me. If he’s that way with someone else…well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. If he doesn’t have the connection with her like he does with me, then why is he still seeing her? I just don’t get it. Not that he doesn’t have a right to see other people but “other people” is different then “someone else”. Is he telling this other woman “you make it easy to like you” as well, how comfortable she makes him, or all those other little words he says to me that I hang onto? It’s not that I’m upset with him. As I said, he has every right to date. I didn’t hear what he was saying and now I’m just plain irritated that he told me he “never wants to hurt” me. Is he planning to? WTF?

I need to focus on myself, so this week I’m practicing restraint. I will respond to an email but I’m not going to go out of my way to respond immediately or have an email conversation with him every day like we have been. I will not ask him, “When can I see you again.” He can even ask me if we’re running this weekend. I’ve initiated the past few weeks and even made him buy new shoes. It’s his turn to show me he wants to run with me. **And I mean that literally. That wasn’t an analogy for show me he wants to spend time with me or likes me or anything. I’m talking only about running. I don’t want to be a nag dragging him along on my training runs if he doesn’t want to be there.** I’m not going to disappear from his life in any way but I am going to hold back. I feel I’ve already invested too much into him. Due to his uncertainty, I need to be more guarded. I need to take care of me.