Just Friends?

Last week Thursday, after taking the advice of my two girl friends, I called Hometown Boy to tell him my concerns and the things I’ve been thinking. I was still so stressed out about the other people actually being someone. For about 2 hours we went back and forth about how he did in fact lead me to believe that other people didn’t exist due to his words and actions. He didn’t try to make any excuses. He knew what I was saying was what happened and his intuition told him I would respond the way I now was. He told me more about this other woman. They met and had their first date just before he and I had our first date (which wasn’t supposed to be a date). Their second date was planned at the end of the first. I can’t remember if he said they went on 3 dates so far or if the third is just planned. Either way, so far I’m winning with over 10 dates and most of those have been in the past 3 weeks.

I was/am disappointed that he wants to see this other woman still but there is an inner peace in me about it all as well. Something tells me that most women are not going to be able to handle his quirky behavior. He truly is a BIG nerd but I like it. He’s afraid we are too similar and I think it’s just wonderful. We know just how the other person would organize their silverware, dispose of things, install things, whatever, because we would do it the same way. It’s borderline scary but reassuring as well.

After our long conversation and things seeming to end between he and I, he explained how he didn’t want this (our relationship) to end just yet either. He needs to figure things out yet but he really enjoys being with me, talking to me. We ended on a good note. I asked him where all of this left us - not “us” but us. We agreed that we both want to still hang out, be able to give a call to go to dinner some night or just to watch a movie. He added that he wanted me to be comfortable enough to lay my head on his shoulder still. It was really quite sweet. He said he’d email me the next day and he did. It was a good thing too because after all of that I really didn’t know where we stood. It’s one thing to say something and it’s another to truly mean it and do it.

We chatted a bit over IM. I found out I could get extra tickets for the baseball game that night so I offered them to him and his friend. LMP and I were already going. It was only awkward for a few minutes after that we were snuggled close together. After the game we went to a bar where we continued the night. Hometown Boy and I were off and on holding hands at the table we were seated at. We were out until nearly bar time. HtB drove me home and walked me to my door. We kissed good night and he asked if I was ok after our talk the night before.

“I’m ok now that I know more information.”

We kissed some more then he headed to his car where his friend was waiting. He took his friend home but still had a long drive ahead of him so he called me to keep him company. He asked what my plans were for Saturday night. I didn’t have any so we made very tentative plans to possibly hang out. We both had tiring Saturday’s and we weren’t sure if either of us would be up for anything.

Saturday evening came. We had both took naps during the day so even though we didn’t talk until 9pm we still decided to get together. I drove up to his place. We watched TV for a while once I got to his place and then eventually made our way to bed. We keep our new boundaries very well until Sunday afternoon when we were still laying in bed. We figured out where the point of no return was so we’ll try to be better at not crossing that line. Besides, it was a great way to leave things for a while. A REALLY GREAT way. Sigh!

It was after 4 when we made our way outside for a long walk. It was supposed to be a 5 mile run but considering we were both still sore from our Saturday’s it wasn’t going to happen. After our walk we went to the hardware store to buy a few items - one for me, some for him. Back at Hometown Boy’s house we went to work installing a new ceiling fan. It took longer then planned as most projects do, but we finished it without problems. **Well, he finished it. I handed him things.** We sat down to watch a little TV before I headed home but I crashed. I ended up staying another night.

If this is what “taking it slow” means then sign me up. As for this other woman, I’m not too concerned after this weekend. We will be watching things from now on however, trying to hold back. Supposedly the next time I stay the night I will not be sleeping in his bed. We’ll see how all this goes. I don’t want to enforce too many rules on us and he agreed. We’re going to therefore have a rule of thumb that we try to meet but we won’t get too hung up about an occasional swing and a miss.

 

No Worries…NO! Worries!?!?!

It’s amazing how often I tend to hear what I want to hear instead of hearing what is said. Well, it happened again. I was sure that Hometown Boy was just blowing hot air when he told me he was dating around. Nope. Not so much. I still haven’t asked him many (if any) questions about this “other woman” but they are probably going to start pretty soon. **Why is it that I’m always dealing with other women?** There are some still vague questions which I need answered such as “Did you know this other woman before moving back to the area?” She lives some where in the vicinity. If he made a conscience effort of moving back here to see “what if” with her then I think I’ll need to back out of the whole situation. I know he’s been seeing her longer then he’s been seeing me but that’s where the information was left…because I didn’t ask. I don’t want to pry but I also no longer know if I should believe what he’s telling me and I can’t get caught up in another situation similar to the one I was in with the Old Man. I know I’m not strong enough for that. Emotionally I can’t deal with being “the other woman” and since the relationship with this other person has been going on longer then his and mine, that’s exactly how I feel, like the other woman.

I do really like the man and he seems genuinely interested in me. I can’t imagine he’s allowing this other person to share his bed with him because he does live with his sister and that would just be awkward for her to see one woman one night and another the next. However, that doesn’t mean he’s not spending nights at her place. Ugh! The whole thing is irritating. When I told my roommate that the other woman does in fact exist she was speechless, literally, speechless. She’s seen the two of us together on more then one occasion and said, “I can’t believe he’s seeing someone else. He’s completely into you. I’ve seen the way he is with you.” That’s just it. I know the way he is with me. If he’s that way with someone else…well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. If he doesn’t have the connection with her like he does with me, then why is he still seeing her? I just don’t get it. Not that he doesn’t have a right to see other people but “other people” is different then “someone else”. Is he telling this other woman “you make it easy to like you” as well, how comfortable she makes him, or all those other little words he says to me that I hang onto? It’s not that I’m upset with him. As I said, he has every right to date. I didn’t hear what he was saying and now I’m just plain irritated that he told me he “never wants to hurt” me. Is he planning to? WTF?

I need to focus on myself, so this week I’m practicing restraint. I will respond to an email but I’m not going to go out of my way to respond immediately or have an email conversation with him every day like we have been. I will not ask him, “When can I see you again.” He can even ask me if we’re running this weekend. I’ve initiated the past few weeks and even made him buy new shoes. It’s his turn to show me he wants to run with me. **And I mean that literally. That wasn’t an analogy for show me he wants to spend time with me or likes me or anything. I’m talking only about running. I don’t want to be a nag dragging him along on my training runs if he doesn’t want to be there.** I’m not going to disappear from his life in any way but I am going to hold back. I feel I’ve already invested too much into him. Due to his uncertainty, I need to be more guarded. I need to take care of me.

 

Here we GOooo!

I was minding my own business today. Hardly even saying a word to even my coworkers who sit within feet of my desk. Then I had a lunch meeting. I was not prepared for what I returned to.

Old Man: You busy next week?
tS: Just working
OM: You’re ALWAYS working…except when you go on vacation all the time I mean.
tS: Hey, at least I haven’t had 4 jobs in the past 18 months.
(He has off next week because he’ll be starting a new job at a new company.
OM: I know…I’m going to hate making that extra $40K a year. What was I thinking? Brat!
tS: Well good. You’ll be able to afford the wedding AND send your girls to college.
OM: I’m not so sure I’m meant to be married….this is weird!! Just sayin’!
tS: So did you just write to rub it in that you have next week off?
OM: No I was going to ask you if you wanted to have lunch, but then you were a brat so I was pouting!
tS: Oh. Ok then. Are you finished pouting?
OM: I think so.
tS: good.
OM: Do you want to have lunch with me?
tS: Is this lunch or “lunch”? Because lunch I’ll do but I won’t “do” “lunch”.
OM: I was thinking lunch, but I’m not sure we’ve ever had just lunch. LOL
tS: We’ve never had just anything since the first time we met.
OM: Fuckin’ chemistry anyway!!
tS: Just because I’m basically 1/2 your age… ;P
OM: Um no. Is that what you thought? Silly!!
And that’s 2/3….but who’s calculating? ;)
tS: Obviously not you.
OM: So are you not interested in lunch next week…or are they actually making you work and you’re too busy to respond? I was thinking maybe Monday or Wednesday…if you’re interested of course. J

I said Monday would work. I know you all will yell at me since every psychology book ever written would say this is one of the most unhealthy things to do. I’m looking at this as something else. I haven’t seen the man in months…MONTHS. I know this has to do with him. He needs to know that he’s made the right decision.

Me on the other hand? I feel like I’ve moved on since only on extremely rare occasions do I even think about him. So for me, I need to know if he and I can in fact be friends. If we are limited only to email because we otherwise can’t “control ourselves” then what’s the point of staying in contact at all? I’m not going to get sucked back into this whole…um…shit, at the very least it’s a free lunch.

 

Does The Past Come Back To Bite?…or nibble

Ok, gang, I’m BACK! It’s been a few months since I’ve posted but don’t fret, I’ve been out there dating up a storm still looking for Mr. Right. The dating scene has been the same old, same old. That was until recently.

First of all let me start by saying Old Man is engaged. Yes, you all read that correctly - ENGAGED!!! I do still talk to him occasionally but only a couple times a week and we haven’t seen each other in months. (Not since the last time I posted about him.) This all came out of the woodwork yesterday as I was needlessly flirting with him over email. That’s when he told me he was “an engaged guy”. YIKES! I was floored. For a bit I was almost hurt though I don’t really know why. Truth is, I was thinking about him a few days prior and what if? Not like today or tomorrow but like 10 years from now. Then I quickly remembered he’s 14 years older then me. That would make him OLD! **EWE!** Not only that but being with a guy 14 years older then him potentially means that many more years of not being with him when I’m old. I started thinking about my grandma who just turned 92 a few weeks ago. She buried my grandma 27 years ago. I don’t want to “put” myself in that kind of situation by being with someone that much older then me. Besides, let’s face it, women live longer then men. The whole scenario just isn’t looking too good for me. So, I’ve moved on but that doesn’t mean I can’t occasionally chat with him via email.

So that’s the update on OM. Let’s move on.

 

I Tripped

For any of you trying to follow my comments from last Friday night let me please explain.

I went out after work with several coworkers.  I thought it would be a good way to get a drink in me before meeting the new guy and his whole kickball team.   Well, unfortunately I surpassed my limits and had a couple more then I had planned before meeting him.  **I nearly got myself lost and I was heading to a bar where I’ve spent numerous Saturday afternoons after my football games.**  I got to the bar safely thank god and finally met up with him and his friends.  We just sat around the bar talking.  I felt good.  I was totally on my game.  I easily hit it off with the friends.  The friends began filtering out until it was just the new guy and I.  We decided to take off ourselves.

He walked me to my car and we stood outside kissing…and kissing…and kissing.

“You’re hard to leave.”

I smiled and kissed him again.

Finally I said, “This is it.  Ok.”  I kissed him again.  “Now, I’m leaving.”

I got into my car and started to drive away.  I wasn’t more then a couple of blocks away when I wrote him a text.  “I didn’t want to say goodbye. :(”

I had no sooner set my text when my phone buzzed from his.  “You are hard to leave.”