Just Friends?

Last week Thursday, after taking the advice of my two girl friends, I called Hometown Boy to tell him my concerns and the things I’ve been thinking. I was still so stressed out about the other people actually being someone. For about 2 hours we went back and forth about how he did in fact lead me to believe that other people didn’t exist due to his words and actions. He didn’t try to make any excuses. He knew what I was saying was what happened and his intuition told him I would respond the way I now was. He told me more about this other woman. They met and had their first date just before he and I had our first date (which wasn’t supposed to be a date). Their second date was planned at the end of the first. I can’t remember if he said they went on 3 dates so far or if the third is just planned. Either way, so far I’m winning with over 10 dates and most of those have been in the past 3 weeks.

I was/am disappointed that he wants to see this other woman still but there is an inner peace in me about it all as well. Something tells me that most women are not going to be able to handle his quirky behavior. He truly is a BIG nerd but I like it. He’s afraid we are too similar and I think it’s just wonderful. We know just how the other person would organize their silverware, dispose of things, install things, whatever, because we would do it the same way. It’s borderline scary but reassuring as well.

After our long conversation and things seeming to end between he and I, he explained how he didn’t want this (our relationship) to end just yet either. He needs to figure things out yet but he really enjoys being with me, talking to me. We ended on a good note. I asked him where all of this left us - not “us” but us. We agreed that we both want to still hang out, be able to give a call to go to dinner some night or just to watch a movie. He added that he wanted me to be comfortable enough to lay my head on his shoulder still. It was really quite sweet. He said he’d email me the next day and he did. It was a good thing too because after all of that I really didn’t know where we stood. It’s one thing to say something and it’s another to truly mean it and do it.

We chatted a bit over IM. I found out I could get extra tickets for the baseball game that night so I offered them to him and his friend. LMP and I were already going. It was only awkward for a few minutes after that we were snuggled close together. After the game we went to a bar where we continued the night. Hometown Boy and I were off and on holding hands at the table we were seated at. We were out until nearly bar time. HtB drove me home and walked me to my door. We kissed good night and he asked if I was ok after our talk the night before.

“I’m ok now that I know more information.”

We kissed some more then he headed to his car where his friend was waiting. He took his friend home but still had a long drive ahead of him so he called me to keep him company. He asked what my plans were for Saturday night. I didn’t have any so we made very tentative plans to possibly hang out. We both had tiring Saturday’s and we weren’t sure if either of us would be up for anything.

Saturday evening came. We had both took naps during the day so even though we didn’t talk until 9pm we still decided to get together. I drove up to his place. We watched TV for a while once I got to his place and then eventually made our way to bed. We keep our new boundaries very well until Sunday afternoon when we were still laying in bed. We figured out where the point of no return was so we’ll try to be better at not crossing that line. Besides, it was a great way to leave things for a while. A REALLY GREAT way. Sigh!

It was after 4 when we made our way outside for a long walk. It was supposed to be a 5 mile run but considering we were both still sore from our Saturday’s it wasn’t going to happen. After our walk we went to the hardware store to buy a few items - one for me, some for him. Back at Hometown Boy’s house we went to work installing a new ceiling fan. It took longer then planned as most projects do, but we finished it without problems. **Well, he finished it. I handed him things.** We sat down to watch a little TV before I headed home but I crashed. I ended up staying another night.

If this is what “taking it slow” means then sign me up. As for this other woman, I’m not too concerned after this weekend. We will be watching things from now on however, trying to hold back. Supposedly the next time I stay the night I will not be sleeping in his bed. We’ll see how all this goes. I don’t want to enforce too many rules on us and he agreed. We’re going to therefore have a rule of thumb that we try to meet but we won’t get too hung up about an occasional swing and a miss.

 

No Worries…NO! Worries!?!?!

It’s amazing how often I tend to hear what I want to hear instead of hearing what is said. Well, it happened again. I was sure that Hometown Boy was just blowing hot air when he told me he was dating around. Nope. Not so much. I still haven’t asked him many (if any) questions about this “other woman” but they are probably going to start pretty soon. **Why is it that I’m always dealing with other women?** There are some still vague questions which I need answered such as “Did you know this other woman before moving back to the area?” She lives some where in the vicinity. If he made a conscience effort of moving back here to see “what if” with her then I think I’ll need to back out of the whole situation. I know he’s been seeing her longer then he’s been seeing me but that’s where the information was left…because I didn’t ask. I don’t want to pry but I also no longer know if I should believe what he’s telling me and I can’t get caught up in another situation similar to the one I was in with the Old Man. I know I’m not strong enough for that. Emotionally I can’t deal with being “the other woman” and since the relationship with this other person has been going on longer then his and mine, that’s exactly how I feel, like the other woman.

I do really like the man and he seems genuinely interested in me. I can’t imagine he’s allowing this other person to share his bed with him because he does live with his sister and that would just be awkward for her to see one woman one night and another the next. However, that doesn’t mean he’s not spending nights at her place. Ugh! The whole thing is irritating. When I told my roommate that the other woman does in fact exist she was speechless, literally, speechless. She’s seen the two of us together on more then one occasion and said, “I can’t believe he’s seeing someone else. He’s completely into you. I’ve seen the way he is with you.” That’s just it. I know the way he is with me. If he’s that way with someone else…well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. If he doesn’t have the connection with her like he does with me, then why is he still seeing her? I just don’t get it. Not that he doesn’t have a right to see other people but “other people” is different then “someone else”. Is he telling this other woman “you make it easy to like you” as well, how comfortable she makes him, or all those other little words he says to me that I hang onto? It’s not that I’m upset with him. As I said, he has every right to date. I didn’t hear what he was saying and now I’m just plain irritated that he told me he “never wants to hurt” me. Is he planning to? WTF?

I need to focus on myself, so this week I’m practicing restraint. I will respond to an email but I’m not going to go out of my way to respond immediately or have an email conversation with him every day like we have been. I will not ask him, “When can I see you again.” He can even ask me if we’re running this weekend. I’ve initiated the past few weeks and even made him buy new shoes. It’s his turn to show me he wants to run with me. **And I mean that literally. That wasn’t an analogy for show me he wants to spend time with me or likes me or anything. I’m talking only about running. I don’t want to be a nag dragging him along on my training runs if he doesn’t want to be there.** I’m not going to disappear from his life in any way but I am going to hold back. I feel I’ve already invested too much into him. Due to his uncertainty, I need to be more guarded. I need to take care of me.

 

I Know, BUT…

I know Hometown Boy likes me.  It’s very clear.  From him remembering some of the most minute details of our childhood and things that we did together.  Hell, most of what he remembers I long since forgot.  One story that keeps coming up is when he bet me his lite up yo-yo.  I still haven’t figured out what we bet but boy do I remember that yo-yo.  It was 2nd grade.

Last week was definitely out of the ordinary.  I went to HtB’s house on Thursday night.  He had gotten back from California on Wednesday.  The night went great especially since we hadn’t seen each other in weeks but we talked about a lot over email while he was away.  We hung out on the couch watching TV and playing Guitar Hero.  **BTW, I SUCK at Guitar Hero even though it was only my first time.**  We talked a lot.  Not about much.  Just catching up.  Finally we made our way to bed.  Normally this would be where I tell you all about the sex we had and all that jazz but this time it was different.  We laid in bed for 3 hours kissing and talking.  Nothing else.  It was absolutely wonderful.

The weekend quickly came.  Friday night I had a “girl’s only party” at my house which I’ll have to post about later.  Saturday, I invited Hometown Boy to my aunt and uncle’s anniversary party.  I was surprised he went.  I gave him several options for how the night could go yet he wanted to go to the family party.  He held is own very well of course he already knew my immediate family from our childhood. 

After the anniversary party we drove downtown to meet up with a bunch of my friends.  I felt a little bad for him since it was a whole night of him not knowing a soul except me.  That didn’t stop him though.  He did his best to meet and get to know everyone there.  From the response of my girl friends, I think he did alright.  I know I was impressed with him.

Sunday HtB and I went for a run.  We cooled down by taking a shower…together.  **Now keep in mind that we still have not had sex.  Shower.  No sex.**  After our shower we laid around in bed all afternoon just talking.  No music.  No TV.  Just him and I for hours laying there in each others arms mostly naked.  It wasn’t until 8 pm when we finally parted ways - over 24 hours of together time.

Throughout the week we emailed a lot again.  It was decided I would go to his house again on Thursday, last night.  We watched Juno and had a few small “talks” about children and our own families growing up.  There are so many similarities it’s almost scary.  It was so nice to cuddle on the couch.  I’ve really grown used to his kisses and I really enjoy them.  Then bedtime hit and we went to bed.  One thing led to another and, well,… you know.  He was a tad insecure but not in a pathetic way at all.  He just didn’t want to disappoint.  I later found out why.  Let’s just say his numbers are low.  My numbers haven’t been that low since I became sexually active.  After finding that out I really felt honored that he felt comfortable enough with me to add me to the very, very, very few.  Things seemed to be looking up.  The boy’s obviously into me and then more.  Sigh! 

As we laid in bed we started getting into where “we” are.  That’s when the fantasy started to fade.  I stayed quiet and let him talk.  I didn’t ask him to but he felt he needed to.  He said I was “a really good friend” plus some other stuff about not wanting a relationship right now.  He added that he met me at a great time (after he was crushed by someone else).  He assured me that he doesn’t want to hurt me in any way and that he likes spending time with me, wasn’t expecting any of this.  Then followed up with, “we were supposed to just go skiing.”  He again made it clear that he plans to date other people.  I told him I’m not.  I’m burned out of the dating scene right now and just not interested in it.  He assured me he would be ok with me dating so don’t feel like I can’t.  I didn’t know what to say.  It was quiet as we laid there naked in each others arms.  Then I asked if he would be ok with me laying naked in bed with some other guy.  He wasn’t at all phased by it.  Like seriously not AT ALL.  WTF?  He asked if I would be if he was.  I said no.  I’d be jealous.  **I don’t want to think about him with other women.  C’mon.** 

“I thought you weren’t a jealous person” he said. 

“I’m typically not but yes, that would bother me.” 

We left things alone for a while but then he brought up the complications with him moving back to CA and how he doesn’t want to plan his future.  He just wants to feel it out and know what he’s feeling is real.  I told him I want him to stay in the area long enough for us to know if big changes to our lives are worth it.  I know he’s moving back to California.  There isn’t a question but the only unknown right now is when exactly is he leaving.  He felt the same.

I don’t understand him.  **I know, I’m not supposed to understand everything but…**  One second he’s saying I’m a “good friend” (I gave him a lot of shit about saying that) then the next he’s leading on that he’s really into me.  I don’t get it.  I got an email from him earlier this evening saying he was busy tonight and that tomorrow he’s heading out for a “boy’s night” with another guy from H.S.  At least I’ll see him on Sunday when we go for our run.  I’m beginning to think I need to hold back more.  I don’t want to be too accessible but I don’t want him to have too much time alone finding other people.  However I can’t stop thinking about him telling me ”he’s busy tonight”.  What’s he’s busy with or who is he busy with?  I’m not supposed to be the insecure one.  Why am I?  I know he likes me more then he’ll tell me with direct words.  It’s so apparent in the way he talks and the way he acts.  I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way but I just can’t help it.  UGH! 

 

This Week’s Email Highlights

Here are some of the highlights from some of the emails Hometown Boy has sent me this week.

1. [Mother of my (tS) exboyfriend/my mom’s best friend, friend of HtB's parents (told you, small town)] called me a couple days ago to ask how my “hot date” went last Friday.  Can’t two friends go on some dates, hang out, and make out if they want to without everyone poking their noses in?

2. I’m not sure if this is necessary, and I hope it is no way harmful, but it has been on my mind to let you know how I see “us”.

3. I’m trying to enjoy dating simply for what it is. And I also want to make sure I don’t lead anyone on. If there’s anything we’re doing that makes this feel like more than that for you, maybe we should cut back.

4. You are far more intelligent, witty, and quick than I had ever realized. You are also
kinder and sweeter than I recall, too. It doesn’t seem like you are significantly different or changed.

5. I feel like I’m fulfilling the dreams of all the past crushes I’ve had on you, so in that regard, I’m not sure how much of how I feel is latent and how much is present.

6. It’s nice to have someone (albeit almost anyone) find comfort in my arms, but you do so especially nicely.

7. My bed here is quite lonely, too, and I just don’t seem to have the right covering to get comfortable like I would at home — or with you.

8. It’s refreshing to be able to tell someone how I feel and to have her reciprocate with a real conversation about it.

9. There’s probably not too much more to say over email, but I’m really enjoying the conversation. It will probably be good to talk a little when I get back — and I’m looking forward to it.

10. I want to be clear, though, that I’m dating other people and I need to keep doing so.

11. I have to hold back my engineering-like drive to get to the end and avoid becoming
attached far too soon, which seems to have always been a big problem for me. I think I may react too strongly to little things at the beginning. If I can avoid that early on, hopefully there will be some overwhelming notion down the road that will help me be certain when the time is right with the right person. Does that make any sense? I can try a different explanation when I get back if you like. This may in some ways be a Venus and Mars issue.

12. I do like you for who you are now. Granted there may be some latent attraction, but
that’s secondary.

13. I genuinely have a great time with you the person who impressed me around every turn, and the person who continues to impress me.

 

Coward, Apparently Not So Great!

I honestly had high hopes for this guy, Dr. Chicago.  I left him a voice mail on Friday just asking him to call me.  Nothing big or anything.  Um, yeah.  He hasn’t called which of course has sent my mind spinning into the ”what could have happened, what did I do, what could I have done wrong” bullshit that no one needs to go through. The worst part, I know he’s been online most of the weekend including today so it’s not as though he’s not in touch with the rest of the god damn world.  Why just me?  Why don’t I deserve a simple call back?

I really thought this guy could be “it”.  His username online includes the numbers of my parent’s wedding anniversary.  His mom had the same “hobby”/side job as I do.  His step-mom’s family used to raise the only breed of dog I’ve ever had.  It gets weirder.  Stay with me.  His office is on the street with the same name as the city I live in and my office on the same street name as the city he lives in.  I know it’s silly to think coincidences like this could mean something real but we all know I’m a romantic at heart.  I read my horoscope even though I don’t live by it.  I believe there is meaning in my dreams and I believe in signs.  So how could all of this not meant anything?

I went from wanting to apologize on Friday to being so depressed on Sunday and now, now I can’t even stand looking at his picture.  I feel a pit in my stomach of rage.  Not like I would go off on him but I deserve more then what he’s giving me.  I think at the very least I deserve an email saying, “It’s not working.  Sorry.  Good luck.”  We’ve slept in the same bed 3 times.  We’ve been naked in each other’s arms.  I drove to see him twice.  Don’t I deserve an explanation, closure, something?