Another Dating Article - He’s Into ME!

Last night when I was online I saw another article on MSN Dating and Personals, Is he into you?  I have a weekness for reading these tid-bits of information even if it is something that I already know.  Sometimes it’s just entertaining sort of like reading your fortune out of a fortune cookie.  This article gives 8 tips for knowing he’s into you.  I’ll use Hometown Boy as comparison to what the article says.

1. He can’t relax.
WOW!  So true.  Honestly the first few times we were together cuddling on the couch the boy couldn’t sit still.  Total ants-in-the-pants syndrome.  He’s since gotten better about staying in one place but the figiting is still often there.

2. He connects the dots.
Not only does Hometown Boy remember the things we talk about or do in the present day but he remembers things we did since 2nd grade in detail I can’t even imagine.

3. His focus is on you and only you.
I believe LMP and Kat would agree, when we were out last weekend at the bar there was definitely a substantial period of time where we were completely unaware that we were even there with my friends - having our own little conversations and little kisses.  Completely enthralled with one another.

4. He sneaks in a “we”.
I haven’t made note of whether or not he’s done this mostly because I’m trying my hardest NOT to do it myself.  I’ve already given the boy an errand to run for me.  He hasn’t done it just yet but no rush.  It’s just going to Nosey Ned’s dad’s store for a new watch battery.  Hometown Boy has sisters so it wouldn’t be strange for him to bring in a woman’s watch.

5. He leads you on - in a good way.
Thursday afternoon I mentioned I bought a pretty new dress but I didn’t have anywhere to wear it to.  Well, twice on Thursday night he asked me where (what type of occasion) I could wear this dress.  He was obviously leading me to know where we could go on a date - dinner, a show, church…  We still haven’t figured out where this dress will be taking us.  It needs to get a bit warmer before I’ll be breaking it out.

6. He’s happy to be somewhere that’s normally not his scene.
Can you say last week Saturday?  Let’s see, first he was with a good portion of my family for a few hours and then with a bunch of my friends in a bar I don’t even like to go to anymore…but he was happy to be there.

7. He makes an effort with your friends.
Kat, any thoughts?  He definitely tried to make an impression with his elephant and turtle impersonation.  He also made a point of talking to each and every person who were obviously most important to me - the few I’m prepped him on before getting to my friend’s house.

8. He eagerly brings you into his inner circle.
I’m technically still waiting for this, however, he has had me over on several occasions to his house where he lives with his sister.  If he didn’t want his family to know about me then he’s doing a bad job.  He still has a few friends in the area from our HS class.  People I knew as well WAY BACK THEN.  Tonight he’s going out with one of them who he hasn’t seen since before he went to CA.  Since he hasn’t spent a ton of time with the few people he knows in the area in over a month I wouldn’t think he’d pull me into the mix yet.  If another month or 2 goes on and nothing has changed then I might start wondering what’s up. 

Oh and don’t worry, guys.  There’s an article for you as well, Is she into you?  Here’s what they had to say.

1. The power of touch.  They’re not talking about her touching you but about her touching her arms or fidgeting with her hands.
2. Girlish antics. Giggling and blushing.  Resorting to her youthful behavior.
3. Express checkout. Basically raping you with her eyes.  Checking out every last inch of you.
4. The Spanish inquisition.  Drilling you with questions just to find out more about you.  Asking about your future plans and goals.
5. Limited interruptions. She truely is interested in just you when she will just quietly listen.
6. Space invasion.  Body language speaks louder than anything in my book.  If she’s finding a way to move into your personal space she likes you.
7. Innocent insults.  If delivered with a smile it can mean good news.
8. Perpetual preening. Don’t just write it off as she’s high maintenance, she’s may just be trying to look good for you.
9. Total recall. Or as I like to say, “bringing it back”, making full circle with things you say either in the same conversation or days later.  She’s been listening and that’s a good thing.
10. Inconsequential contact. These are the little touches - touching your arm, leg, whatever during innocent conversation.

 

The Good Fella

Before I left for New York I went out on another first date…of course. It was Tuesday night. We had tried to get together a few weeks before but I had to cancel. I had a date that I had completely forgotten about until the day before. I was happy to find that he didn’t mind having to reschedule. He still wanted to meet me even though I was very absent minded. It took us a few weeks to be able to meet but it was worth it when we finally did.

We met out in the burbs at a fairly new restaurant that’s part of a local chain. There’s a restaurant with the same name and owner right downtown. The restaurant was located between where he lives and where I live. After meeting him and finding out he also works downtown I told him next time we’re meeting in the city so I don’t have to drive.

We sat at the bar and ordered a drink. We seemed to hit it off pretty well immediately. After a bit he asked if I was hungry and should we get a table. I was happy that he was going to commit to more then just a drink and said yes.

As usual one of the topics he brought up was about his experiences with on-line dating and the dreaded first date. See, the first date when on-line dating is a bit nerve wracking. You just never know what you’re going to get. Even if you’ve talked on the phone before you still don’t know forsure if the pictures are of the person you will soon be meeting or if those pictures are 5 years old…or not even the same person. I shared with him my 15-minute dating rule. I said I was impressed that he unknowingly played by the rules. We met at the bar, talked for a bit, then moved onto a table for dinner. I think it’s important to share this rule with the people I go out with or people who are online dating because it is a little scary at first and it is even more scary when you’ve been stuck in those terrible situations wondering who the hell the person sitting at the table with you really is because it can’t be the person from the internet.

The more I talked to him the more I realized I liked the guy. He’s taller then I’m usually comfortable with since he towers over me by at least a foot but I do like ‘em tall. His family is extremely important to him. He often baby-sits for his little nephew. His family and mine seem quite similar even down to the way we travel and places we like to go. He’s very conservative in his politics but I’m used to that because I come from a very conservative family and often lean to the right on a lot of issues as well. It must be my Midwest upbringing. He also applied for the secret service. He said he made it really far but in the end they didn’t except him. If he’s willing to take a bullet for the president imagine what he would do for friends and family.

I sent him an email this past Tuesday. I wanted to be sure the lines of communication were open after my trip. It took a couple days but when I checked my email this morning there was a message from him. Unfortunately he wants to get together on Sunday and my sister has booked up nearly my whole day with dance recitals and birthday shenanigans. I’m hoping that he’ll want to meet in the evening but I don’t know what his schedule is like. I guess I’m just happy that he emailed me and does want to meet again.

 

Lesson Yet to Learn

BTW, I’m looking for some feedback here people.

I met up with a guy last week as a first date.  We were at a bar but sitting outside on the sidewalk/patio area.  We seemed to hit it off just fine…  When the bill came, since I had not only ordered mixed drinks but dinner as well, I insisted on throwing in some money towards the bill.  I don’t know what the bill came to but I’m quite confident my money put in close to if not more then my half of the bill.

According to my rules, I have previously stated, chipping in is not a bad thing.  However, I also talk about dates gone wrong and putting in your half to the bill.  Well, I think I jinxed myself.  The date went well, I would love to see him again but I insisted on paying at least half the bill.  Does that turn guys off for a call back?  Do they assume you don’t want to see them again if you pay your bill?  I need help on this one.  I apparently don’t get it.

 

Common Courtesy

First Dates - I’ve had a couple over the past month.

The other week, the last week of June, I met with a guy who I had been emailing for nearly a month. (Maybe longer.) I was getting so busy with preparing for the show and he was leaving on vacation. I agreed to meet him for lunch. We went to a restaurant near my office. The date itself went well for a first date. There weren’t any awkward moments where we didn’t know what to say to each other. All-in-all, not too shabby. We got the bill and I grabbed my wallet. He told me no, he had it. I asked, “Are you sure?” He said, “YES!” I put my wallet aside and told him thank you. That was unnecessary. As we left the restaurant he asked, “So, we’ll keep in touch?” I said, “Yes, definitely.” I haven’t heard from him since. Granted I didn’t contact him either but he was the one out of town. Earlier this week, since my show was over, I emailed him. Still no word.

I’m not broken up over it but don’t give me a HUGE bear hug goodbye, ask if we’ll keep in touch, and then never contact me again. I HATE when guys do that. It’s like that Friends episode when Chandler went on a date with Rachel’s boss. He couldn’t just say bye without adding “call you later.” Why do guys feel they need to do that? I even gave the man an out. He could have let me pay for my share of the bill. Then I would have known there wasn’t really a connection. I would have assumed I might not hear from him again but that there might be a chance. You can’t rule out the guy’s interest in you just because he took you up on your offer to chip in. By not allowing me to throw in any money I assume he had a good time and I should probably be hearing from him again. Aren’t those the rules? If not, they should be darnit!

Dating Rule #7: If you have no intention of seeing or talking to the person again, split the bill. Even if you then oops and say, I’ll call you later, it excuses you from having to make that call. Granted many great dates are dutch. So just because you, ladies, paid your portion of the bill, it doesn’t mean he won’t call again, just don’t hold your breath.

 

Lesson #2: Online Dating Means ONLINE Dating

Lesson #2: Online dating means ONLINE dating

I started talking to a man one afternoon. After recieving his email on match I sent him my hotmail address. When he responded he suggested a way for us to meet. We both have dogs so he suggested a dog park. It was a cute and clever idea but I don’t know this person. Not to mention my dog doesn’t even live with me right now but I’ve only read his profile. We haven’t even chatted online… Sorry, not meeting you so quick, mister. I told him the dog park wouldn’t work. Then he sent back a quick, “Are you interested in meeting?”

I told him due to past experiences I’d prefer chatting more before meeting. I’m not opposed to meeting him but I’d like to know more about him before I do.

To which he responded that his profile essays are pretty extensive. Answering questions about himself would be retyping the same stuff. He told me to check out his profile and if it’s worth chatting more, or meeting, we can do that. He added he’s not a huge emailer especially before he knows if there is any interest. “If you decide you’re interested, you know how to reach me.”

I didn’t respond. I was shocked. First of all, I actually do read people’s profiles before contacting them. Why bother meeting or writing someone who has completely different interests then I do. Just because I asked to chat more with him before meeting… I don’t understand.

After not hearing back from me for a while he sent me another message. Now he was more then happy to email or if I’d like I could call. He sent his phone number in the message as well.

I still haven’t responded. That was weeks ago now. I’m not going to respond. Not worth it to me. If you’re going to put your profile on an online dating service then be prepared to “date” online for a while before meeting or calling or whatever. If you’re not interested in emailing and writing to better know someone then don’t sign up for online dating. There are so many creepy people out there why would anyone want to jump into something they don’t know. Scary!