Late Lunch!

Today was again terribly long.  I got to work knowing I had a shit load to do and I was not looking forward to it.  At least I have enough to keep me busy so they shouldn’t really give me more to do…yet.  I sat down in front of my computer and shortly got a message from Old Man.  He was taking the day off.  **Lucky duck!**  Since he had nothing to do for the day he was looking for something to fill his time.  I agreed on a late “lunch”. 

He came into town around 1:20 and we went to my house.  We walked in and there was a man on my balcony.  Most days this would be creepy but this week they are making repairs to the balconies around the building and it just so happened they were working on mine.  The guy’s back was turned to us.  We went right into my bedroom and I closed the blinds.  We could still hear the workers outside as I’m sure they could us but that wasn’t going to stop us.  Old Man didn’t just drive over an hour for nothing and I didn’t leave work for nothing either. 

We had a great hour and a half together.  Unfortunately I didn’t have time to eat so by the time I got home from work at 7 I was not feeling well and had to miss my friend’s birthday dinner.  I still don’t feel great but the food is finally doing it’s job and except for a little headache I’m doing better.  Spending time with Old Man was well worth the icky feeling after.      

 

Keep ‘em Coming!

The other night my roommate, her boyfriend, and I were sitting around watching tv.  Of course **I really, for the life of me, can’t remember how** we got onto the subject of sex.  I think they were talking about friends and rumors and whatnot from college.  Irregardless, the subject of anal sex and orgasms came up. 

 

Mid-Week Trip

Tuesday I bought train tickets to Chicago for Wednesday night.  I know.  What the heck am I doing going to Chicago.  Well, the Old Man **I should not be starting sentences with those words** was heading to Chicago for a seminar on Thursday.  He wanted to go the night before and get some good sleep rather than wake up at some ungodly hour of the morning to make the drive the day of.  I asked if he wanted company.  That was enough to seal the deal for both of us. 

Within an hour I had tickets and he had reserved a hotel room.  A real night away with the Old Man.  Yikes!  I was actually ok with the fact that we would be there as friends and nothing more.  **Well, nothing except the extra benefits a friend can give.** 

 

On My Way Out

I’m just finishing my packing.  I’m heading to San Diego for the rest of the week.  I’m going with my parents.  It should be fun though.  I haven’t been there, neither have my parents, and my mom and I plan to do a lot of sight-seeing and probably shopping.  Before I go, however, I’ll catch you all up on rather sporadic happenings in my life.

Blue Eyes:
Sure we’ve kept in touch a bit but hardly. I haven’t seen him in weeks but every few days he does contact me. He commented on how he’s the one who has been doing all the calling lately.  I didn’t really respond.  With me heading out of town and him traveling again you would think that he would make a point of setting up a date with me but he hasn’t.  He did call me last Friday night around 5 asking what my plans were.  I had plans since early in the week and I wasn’t about to drop them for a guy who calls at the last minute.  I went out as I had planned with 2 of my girl friends.  This month he’s ironically traveling to San Diego 2 different weekends.  You would think that we would be there at the same time but of course not.  He went the first weekend and then he’ll be going the last and I’m there in the middle.  Last week this was the email he sent to me.  I think it explains our relationship quite well.  We are both going in opposite directions.

“It is kind of funny that I am in San Diego 2 out of the 4 weekends and the one weekend you are there I am not there.  At least we will be both in warm areas, although they will be on opposite ends of the country (I will be in FL).  Go figure!!”

Balcony Boy:
I saw him out at the bar last Friday.  Unfortunately he was on his way out the door and was out of town the rest of the weekend.  He was supposed to call me tonight so we could ‘get together’ but he didn’t.  I can’t be too upset, I wouldn’t have time to see him anyway.  I saved all my packing for tonight.  Hopefully I will see him soon.  I like being with him.  He’s very intelligent but playful and nothing gets past him.  It’s usually refreshing.  Lately I’ve been getting irritated that we have been talking about getting together for a few months now and it still hasn’t happened.  Soon enough, I’m sure.

Nice Friend Guy:
Last Saturday I went out with a guy who is new to our trusted circle of friends.  I was excited to go out with him and get to know him better.  We agreed to go to a bar neither of us had been to yet.  **It opened only last summer.**  He came to my door with a bottle of wine.  I think it was one of the best bottles I had ever tasted.  It was so wonderful and smooth.  We finished the bottle then went to the bar.  I think we needed not only the bottle but a change of venue.  We were much more talkative once we arrived at the bar. 

We chatted about a lot of nonsense.  I only say that because I can’t truly remember what we talked about so it must have just been stuff and nothing of real importance.  While we were there he kept getting messages from some other friends of ours.  I told him to invite them to meet us or we could meet them.  He wasn’t interested in that.  Instead he suggested we go back to my place and veg on the couch again.  I was up for sitting comfortably in a smoke-free zone so we left.

We watched TV while sipping on another bottle of wine.  We cuddled a little then he moved in for a kiss and stole it.  Before I new it I was gasping for air.  **Not that he was a bad kisser, I just wasn’t interested in making out with a guy in the circle so soon.**  I pulled back and we continued to watch TV.  We were falling asleep and my DVD player started skipping so we moved into my room to watch in there.  **Really, this was innocent.**  We cuddled next to each other then before I knew it he was on top of me trying to remove my pants.  I told him to stop.  He did for a bit then tried again.  I told him no then explained my stand on dating people within the circle and how it needed to be approached slowly and cautiously.  He got the point and stopped.  We crashed on my bed.  **See, I didn’t even invite him in between my sheets.  We both slept on-top of the covers with an extra blanket from the living room covering us.**  He left early and has text me and emailed me since.  I havn’t responded…yet.  I don’t think I can date a guy in the circle.  At least not that one.  Too soon to tell and the whole trying to take my pants off twice makes me a little uncomfortable.  Not that it would be strange to see him again or anything like that.  I just don’t want to provoke something I’m not ready for and may never be ready for with this guy.  He is, afterall, a friend and a friend of friends which is often worse.

Old Man:
Yes, he’s still ‘around’.  No, I havn’t been chatting with him but he does occasionally send me messages.  The only ones I allow myself to respond to are the ones about his house and decorating.  Anything beyond that just opens up wounds that haven’t healed.  Last night, Sunday, he text me…of course. 

“Hi. Hope you’re doing well.  Was just thinking of you.” 

This was sent at 11.  Funny thing was, I was thinking of him too.  I had just pulled out my Dirty Little Secret because I was having a hard time falling asleep.  I don’t usually think about him but every now and then…I do.  Last night was one of those times.  As much as I wanted to and seriously contemplated it, I did not respond.  I know exactly what would happen if I did…but I do want to.  I do want to talk to him.  **Hold strong!**

So that’s the excitement.  Now you’ll have to wait a week for any type of update since I will not have access to the Internet.  I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I will.  

 

The Next Step

Blue Eyes was supposed to come over last night but something came up with his family.  He was actually concerned about what my reaction was going to be when he told me he needed to break our date.  He said the magic word…family.  That’s really all that needed to be said because family comes first for me as well. 

Part of me is relieved that he was unable to come over.  He had planned on us spending the night together.  **That’s probably why he thought I’d take it badly.**  Truth be told, I’m afraid to take the next step with him.  If I do sleep with this boy then that means I will need to stop seeing the Old Man.  I know that’s something that I should do regardless of Blue Eyes but as I’ve said in previous posts, I can’t.  I don’t want to and the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.  Obviously I’m not ready to move forward with Blue Eyes if I’m not ready to move on from someone else.  I cried tonight over these thoughts.  **Big alligator tears too.**  What on earth am I doing here?  Last Monday with the Old Man was great.  We get along so well together.  We’ve never had awkward silences.  It’s comfortable (for lack of a better word).  The problem with seeing him is that every time I do it reminds me how much I care about him…I think.  It’s all silly.  I know that I shouldn’t.  I can rationally list all the reasons why I shouldn’t even be talking to him still but I do, damnit! 

I thought about telling him my situation so he could talk sense into me.  Let him know that I am seeing someone but I can’t move on to the next step because of my feelings for him.  Unfortunately, I know what would happen.  He’d do his best to stay away from me and I can’t do that to myself.  I know that he will never feel about me the way I feel about him.  So what’s the point of feeling this way?  Why care about someone who doesn’t have feel the same back?  I can’t live my life that way.  I refuse! 

I’m so confused.  Blue Eyes is not my type.  (At least not by appearance.)  Skinny, tall, dark hair, distinguished features are not word that describe him.  That’s the kind of guy I always fall for.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t fallen for Blue Eyes yet.  Personality wise we get along excellent but I’m not dying to tear his clothes off.  I think someone was doing me a favor tonight by calling him away.  We are supposed to see each other tonight.  **Sigh**  I don’t know what else to say.  Usually when I write my mind becomes more clear.  Not tonight.  It’s 4 am.  I think I’ll lay down and cry myself to sleep now.  :(