You’re never truly alone

I’m single and alone. 

That is one of the worse ways to look at your singledom.  I know that it’s hard to believe for some people that you can truly be happy and single and not feel alone but it is true.  Look at me.  Sure I have my momentary lapses where I just want to be held and cuddled and loved but being single doesn’t mean that you don’t have relationships still in your life that can fill those feelings of emptiness.  Take your singledom as a chance to rediscover yourself, try new things, meet new people, and work on the friendships that took a back-burner while you were tied up with a relationship.

For the past week I have heard a lot from my recently single girl friend.  I went out with her last week for the first time in a long time.  Since the break up she’s realized how she put so many relationships on hold for a man.  Well, now the man is gone and she needs her friends more than ever.  I don’t hold any resentment about not seeing her much during the time she was in the relationship.  In all honesty, I expect it out of any of my friends.  I’m sure that if I had a relationship that I would most likely do the same.  Once the relationship is over, however, you had better hope that you have some very understanding friends who will still be there for you.  I like to think of myself as one of those kinds of friends.  Ever since the official break up she’s been clinging more and more to me.  She emails me fairly often.  We’re constantly trying to plan our next get-together.  She’s also now moving only about 4 blocks from me.  (That won’t be for another month but it sure is coming fast.)  I’m just happy that I can be here for her.  Even though she is now single, she is not alone.  Her friends are still here for her.

Friday night I witnessed a guy friend’s loneliness. He’s been asking for months now to come over. **Usually when he’s been drinking so I say no.** Friday night he asked again and said that nothing would happen. I told him fine. He can come over but honestly NOTHING was going to happen. He came over and we slept next to each other and cuddled. Did he want more? I don’t know…but I’d guess yes. The point is…well…first that I didn’t allow anything to happen. **Yea! Good for me.** Second that I think what he really did need was just someone to hold.  He seemed a bit down on himself.  It did feel good to cuddle with someone. I can’t complain about that.

Last night was the first of my holiday parties.  Although I would have gone alone to the party without hesitation it is always more fun to go with someone else.  When my friend told me that she stayed in town for the weekend I jumped at the chance to bring her as my +1.  **Apparently this is the year that I am only taking women to parties as my dates.  At least I have someone.  In my opinion, girl friends make the best dates anyway.**  Going with friends still allows you the flexibility to mingle with the crowd.  No babysitting necessary.  Sure I could have flown solo but company is more fun. 

The point of all of this is that you are never actually alone.  Sure, there are times in everyone’s lives when they feel lonely but there are always people there, in your life, that care about you and will be there for you when you need them.  **I need to remember this too from time to time.**  So, Please don’t use the excuse that you are single and therefore alone.  Find your friends or your family.  Take the initiative and do something to change the way that you feel.   

 

Please RSVP by…

Today I realized that I had not responded to two Holiday Party invitations, my company as well as friend’s.  I needed to respond to my company party by this afternoon.  SHIT!  It had totally slipped my mind.  I looked around the office at the people that I am quite close to as far as working relationships go.  Those who I knew were going were married or dating someone serious.  **I can’t go alone.  I can’t be the only one there without a date.**  My brain rambled through the mental list of potential dates. 

1. Blue Eyes - Hell NO!  I haven’t talked to him since Monday breaking the streak that we had going.  I can’t ask him to my company’s party.  That’s a BIG step from where we are right now.  NEXT!

2. Old Man - Hee Hee.  NO!  Next!

3. Balcony Boy - Not a bad idea but still that’s not our relationship.  Nope.  Next!

4. A guy who’s a good friend but not only does he drink quite a bit but I made out with him 2 weeks ago in front of EVERYONE at the bar.  Oops.  No!

5, 6, 7,… Random guy friends that I haven’t really seen too much of these days but I have no romantic interest in them at all.  Hmmm?  No.  There’s be too many questions to field about how “we are JUST friends“.  Too complicated.  Nope.

I thought again about going alone.  I thought about the only person I could think of that I know well who might also be stag.  She has a date lined up.  SHIT!  Fuck!  Now what.

Ah-ha!  I recieved an email from one of my girl friends who I escorted to a wedding last summer.  Perfect!  Those kinds of questions I can handle.  She agreed.  Yea!

It’s sad to think that with all the ”fun” I have that I don’t have someone in my life that I can call up to do these things with me.  Two years ago I did.  What’s so different now?  The holiday’s remind me how lonely I am.  How much I would love to just curl up on the couch and be held by someone.  It doesn’t help that I have these “men” in my life that I can share nights with but I’m not comfortable parading them around.  What does that say about my choices?  I know that the right man for me is out there and he will remove me from my misery.  I just really hope that it’s sooner rather than later. 

Before I left work tonight I did recieve a text from Blue Eyes.  He’s on his way to California for work.  (He’s there nearly everyother week.)  That did brighten my day a bit.  He had a long layover before continuing his flight.  We chatted via text for a while until he had to get ready to board.  This trip he’s on with two of his coworkers…women.  **I’m feeling the green come on.**  I’m sure that nothing is going on with either of them but I can’t help but be jealous that these two women are staying in the same hotel as him for the next 4 nights.  It’s not fair!  I’m feeling second hand.  Pushed off.  I know I need to be patient and I’m trying my best.  This is the only place that I truly vent all these feelings.  I know that he’s busy finishing up the semester, getting ready for Christmas, work, traveling.  I’m trying really hard here.  I keep reminding myself how his family already knows about me.  (He talks to his sister a lot and I know that I’ve been brought up in conversation a few times too.)  Oooo!  He just text me to let me know that he’s safe in Cali.  :)