Somebody has a Boyfriend!

It’s been a long time since I posted and that’s because I’ve been so wrapped up with my new relationship. Hometown Boy and I never did figure out a way to keep things casual. He has quickly become one of my best friends. I can’t imagine going a day without talking to him in some way - either in person, phone, or email. We’ve been typically spending half our weeks together. We’ve become that couple. We spend the weekend together. We have plans together. We have projects. We have dinner parties. We, we, we. I’m blissfully happy and don’t foresee a change in that anytime soon. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our disagreements and misunderstandings but we haven’t been in a fight. Everything is just going so well.

We’ve done the family thing. Poor guy, he spent memorial day weekend with my whole family at my parents. I’ve met nearly his whole extended family as well. He’s even done projects at my sister’s house. I feel like I should say it’s too good to be true but it is true. Neither of us is putting up a front or treading lightly. We just are who we are and it works. It’s exciting!

However, I do have some reservations. I’m not sure when but I know he plans to move back to CA within the next year. We’ve started to talk about how we can make things work and where our future will lead but we haven’t gone into much detail. It’s more like daydreaming than really talking about it right now.

 

The Saga (Part 4 - The ‘REAL’ talk)

Missed the beginning? That’s ok. You can go there now and read it.
The Saga (Part 1)
The Saga (Part 2 - Monday at work)
The Saga (Part 3 - …and away we go)

I made it to work on Tuesday.  I got situated at my desk when the emails started from the Old Man.  They started simple.  Thanks for coming, good to see you…yadda, yadda, yadda.  Then the big one.

OM: OK…So to continue our discussion…maybe share some of your thoughts as a starting point for dialog (?).

1.  How does the distance thing work?  What are you looking for in a committed relationship as far as time commitment per week?  You mentioned you are pretty independent and enjoy your time to do what you want, see friends, etc.  What does that mean exactly?

2.  How serious are you about having a baby?  What kind of timing are you thinking?  This is the one thing I don’t know if I could accommodate…just been there done that.  Children are super great, but after being limited as to what/where I can live etc for the last 12 years I’m not sure I can embrace that again.  I can be flexible on a lot of things but not sure if this is one of them.  I thought about that since we talked last night…just being honest.

3.  How serious are you about marriage?  What kind of timing are you thinking?

4.  You talked about the short-term fix of having some immediate project work near my city, but where do you ultimately want to live?

4.  You were apparently still getting text messages and phone calls from “the boy” last night so I expect you two have been seeing a lot of each other.  You mentioned it’s not xxx but hmmmmm….i wonder.

5.  I was looking at your myspace page and noticed in all of your writings, etc include friends, family, etc. but no mention of me even as a friend.  Now be honest here…are you a little embarrassed about my age?  ;) 6.  And then of course there was your date in California…naughty!  How would we change the dynamic we’ve created as a working basis of our friendship (previous FWB)…distance might preclude feeling comfortable that either/both would be adhering to the new dynamic (committed LTR). 

Just some thoughts…curious what you think.  I have been thinking a lot more lately about where my life is going and really want to start making some choices about that.  I’ve been divorced now for 4 years…too old to be a playboy forever.

 

The Saga (Part 2 - Monday at Work)

Start at the beginning, The Saga (Part 1) .

I arrived at work on Monday and went through all my current email before I wrote the Old Man.  He asked me some questions about how to set up a MySpace page. Apparently his 12 y/o wants one so he wants to beat her to it and figure it all out first.  I think it’s funny that this 43 y/o man wants to create a MySpace page for himself but then again, I did meet him through Match.com.  After a little banter about nothing, I straight up asked him, “Didn’t you say you wanted to talk to me?  When were you thinking?”

He was surprised.  Apparently he figured that I wasn’t interested in discussing a future with him.  I decided it would be best to just get it over with and figure this stuff out before I had the next 50 years of my life figured out in my head.  I told him I would meet him at his house that night.  I told him, “The thought of all of this has been plaguing me for a week.  I’d rather just talk sooner than later.  This was part of the reason I had trouble sleeping last night.  I don’t think it will get any better until I know what’s going on.”

He assured me that it wasn’t meant to be unpleasant and stressful.  “Just a talk…things I’d like to discuss include maybe your thoughts on distance, kids (existing and ?), time together (how and how much), etc…All the fun little things a distance relationship would have to offer.  We’ve emailed thoughts before but never really talked about it.  Case-in-point…this little coordination effort here.  How does that sit with you?  Just some things to think about/talk about…”

I quickly emailed a few of my close girl friends to give them the update. 

I decided to look through some of my emails between the Old Man and me over the past year.  I came across one that I found rather amusing/confusing given the current situation from mid-March ‘06.

 

The Saga (Part 1)

Hi all.  I’ve been back from my vacation in San Diego since Sunday night.  Our flight landed just after midnight.  This week has been a whirlwind of emotions as well as just plain busyness from being gone.  Due to both of these, I haven’t felt much like writing.  As far as the busyness, it took me half the day on Monday to catch up and read through my emails on my work account.  **I’m still scared to open my other email accounts.**  Then the work began to pile up.  Deadline after deadline was thrown at me.  It wouldn’t have been so bad but the emotions and other aspects of my life I was now faced to deal with, didn’t make me as productive as I should have been.  I’ve been working late nearly every night this week just trying to catch up and then there were other commitments I had as well.  Tuesday a few of us went to the basketball game then last night I had a condo meeting.  YUCK!  But none of that compared to the emotional state I was in.

I arrived in San Diego on Tuesday afternoon.  As I was waiting for my bag to be unloaded I received a text message.  Ah, it’s just Blue Eyes checking to see if I made it.  I looked at my phone and my heart sunk.  The Old Man’s name was lit up.  What?  I had deleted him from my phone weeks ago.  How is his name coming up?  WTF?  Reluctantly, I checked the message.

“Any chance you’d be interested in talking about a ‘real’ committed relationship…or have you moved on?”

 

How Nice is Too Nice

As I said in my earlier post today, the Old Man cancelled on me again.  His excuse was that he was dealing with some things today and wouldn’t be much for company then followed up by saying “I can tell you about it if you’re curious, but like the saying goes…be careful what you ask for…”.  I of course needed to know because he’s been acting so strange the last few weeks between cancelling on me, his more frequent texts, and just seeming different all of a sudden.  He was right, I learned more than I wanted to.  He basically summarized the last 3 yrs of his dating relationships between these two women.  He also finally explained how I fell into the arms of a man in a relationship with someone else as well.  I’ll summarize it up even more for you, my readers.

About 3 yrs ago he simultaneously met 2 women.  They both knew about the other and neither cared.  They both were ready to fight for him.  One even picked up her family (3 kids) and moved closer to him.  The other wanted him to move in with her.  He was still recovering from his divorce and was in no hurry to be with either.  He tried several times to end it with one then the other but neither would have it.  **I’m foggy on this but it’s a bit irrelevant.**  Finally the one who he was starting to fall for grew tired of their relationship not moving forward.  She ended it with him but still prank called him at least once a week and then vandalized his home.  **And he loves this crazy woman?**  This was about the time that I stumbled in…unknowingly, I might add.  He told the one who he was still with that she wasn’t the one but she wasn’t ready to let him go.  She knew that he was pursuing other options (i.e. ME) but didn’t care.  She would just show up at his place using her kid’s and his kid’s friendship as a tool to be with him.  **I’m also foggy about whether or not things were really over between them when we met, like he told me it was.  He said her persistence started things up again after he and I met.  Sounds to me like things were still the same between them but that he just wanted to add a little more to his non-complicated life.  Argh!  If you ask me, both women are a bit psycho.  No man is worth all of that.  Sorry but it’s true.  If you have to go THAT far out of your way to be noticed then something’s not right ladies.  MOVE ON!**  The Old Man told me that he’s been trying to end things with the woman who’d still in his life but that, due to her persistence, he needs to build up the energy to actually follow through.  In his words, “I think my emotional unavailability to you (or anyone else) is the result of my still holding out hope that [the one who actually ended their relationship] would come back to me and we’d work it out.  Pathetic huh?  I’m at a point in my life where I’m sick of being alone and want to have that special someone…finally got through my divorce anxiety and am at the point she was at two years ago.  Timing issue.    I found out last night that she just moved back to [where I live].” **Yikes! No wonder he cancelled on me.**

So where does that leave me?  I have NO idea.  I think it’s to the point where, as Old Man said about himself, “I too need a complete overhaul of my life.” I think it’s to the point where I need to forget about the feelings that I have for the Old Man and move on, maybe with Blue Eyes, maybe not. I still can’t imagine not having the Old Man in my life in some way but as far as physically and emotionally, I think it would be best to try to distance myself. If he’s trying to start new, than I need to keep my distance or I risk the chance of my heart being torn apart again.

He is such a good friend though. I did the unthinkable. I put his needs above mine. Whenever he has told me about other women or relationships, I’ve always put aside my own feelings for his and tried to be there for him and/or give him the best unbiased advice I could muster. Well, it happened again. He’s at home sulking about the loss of the one woman who moved away. (Took the day off work.) And I was sitting here telling him that I am here for him if he needs someone to listen. I even offered driving the hour and a half to see him tonight AND sleeping on the couch. Just being there as a friend. Nothing else! And I would. That’s just how I am. But where do I draw the line. I obviously have strong feelings for this man. Even though I want to be with him, and I can’t, I am still willing to risk my heart to help console his. He’s mopping about another woman and I still just want to be there for him. To help him. When is being nice, being TOO nice?