I Don’t Want It!

Saturday I went to my cousin’s bridal shower. Over the years between my sisters, friends, and family getting married and having kids I got burned out on showers. I don’t know if it’s all the estrogen in one room that I’m not used to, if it’s putting on a happy face for someone else’s happiness, or something else that has turned me into a grouch. Whatever it is I find showers exhausting and pointless. I mean I understand why the person getting married or having a baby wants them. When else will you be showered with gifts several times in a year? On Saturday I found myself just wanting to escape. I followed my sister upstairs every chance I got so her and I could just talk. I’ve never been a person who likes large fairly organized parties. All the chatter and noise makes me antsy after a while. Funny how that doesn’t happen when I’m just with my friends or at a bar or restaurant. Maybe it’s just being in a room with my whole family. Who knows.

After the gifts had been opened people began to filter out. I was now sitting by myself near the unwrapped presents. My mom came in to see what she had received. “Wow! She sure got a lot.”

I looked at my mom. She could see I was emotionally and physically drained. “Mom, I don’t think I want this.”

 

Flipping the Switch

Does your partner know the real you?

One of my 3 sister’s married her high school sweetheart. They met when she was only 15 years old. After dating for a while in high school the broke up and stayed apart through most of their college years. When they got back together they dated for 7 years before finally tying the knot. Clearly after 15 years of dating and being best friends they must know each other’s real self. Right?

It’s not that I don’t think the other knew what they were getting into when they married but I do think both of them had thought about how it would be different. My sister spent most the 15 years they knew each other letting her boyfriend (at the time) come and go as he pleased and never put up a fuss when he spent his whole day doing his own thing. **Just so we’re clear, my brother-in-law must have ADD. He can’t sit still. He’s usually off on a 6 hr bike ride or windsurfing all day or anything else that keeps him active.** For years my sister allowed him to play as he would.  Well, suddenly that has changed. They have 2, soon to be 3, kids. The children, along with my sister never voicing her concerns in the past, have now created an even bigger problem. He’s never had to take other’s feelings into consideration since my sister just let him do what he wanted.  Now she’s fed up because he’s not there to raise his children. He works long hours. Takes vacation days to go biking. Misses parent teacher conferences. The list goes on.

It’s not one or the other’s fault. They both contributed to this. I’m not saying my sister should have tightened the reins 15 years ago but she shouldn’t have painted over her true feelings. She was so concerned with losing him that she veiled her emotions. Now she is fed up and she’s flipped the switch on him. Suddenly her expectations have gone up and my brother-in-law is having a difficult time adjusting. On the other hand, my brother-in-law should realize he is a father now and needs to step up and take some responsibility instead of arriving home from work after both of the kids are in bed. He leaves before they are awake. Or spending the weekend biking or whatever other seasonal activity is the one of choice. It’s almost as though my sister is a single mother with a double income.

 

Discombobulation

If you’ve been reading my blog you are aware that I am completely torn with where I want my life to be and how or if I will ever get to that point. 

When I was in San Diego having a little heart-to-heart with my dad, my relationship(s) came up.  He asked how that front looked and I told him that I was confused, too many too deal with.  He told me to just pick one.  I can’t just pick one.  C’mon.  Honestly, I’ve waited this long.  I’m not going to risk just picking one if I don’t feel he’s the right one.  The more I think about it, though, the more I wonder. 

 

The Saga (Part 2 - Monday at Work)

Start at the beginning, The Saga (Part 1) .

I arrived at work on Monday and went through all my current email before I wrote the Old Man.  He asked me some questions about how to set up a MySpace page. Apparently his 12 y/o wants one so he wants to beat her to it and figure it all out first.  I think it’s funny that this 43 y/o man wants to create a MySpace page for himself but then again, I did meet him through Match.com.  After a little banter about nothing, I straight up asked him, “Didn’t you say you wanted to talk to me?  When were you thinking?”

He was surprised.  Apparently he figured that I wasn’t interested in discussing a future with him.  I decided it would be best to just get it over with and figure this stuff out before I had the next 50 years of my life figured out in my head.  I told him I would meet him at his house that night.  I told him, “The thought of all of this has been plaguing me for a week.  I’d rather just talk sooner than later.  This was part of the reason I had trouble sleeping last night.  I don’t think it will get any better until I know what’s going on.”

He assured me that it wasn’t meant to be unpleasant and stressful.  “Just a talk…things I’d like to discuss include maybe your thoughts on distance, kids (existing and ?), time together (how and how much), etc…All the fun little things a distance relationship would have to offer.  We’ve emailed thoughts before but never really talked about it.  Case-in-point…this little coordination effort here.  How does that sit with you?  Just some things to think about/talk about…”

I quickly emailed a few of my close girl friends to give them the update. 

I decided to look through some of my emails between the Old Man and me over the past year.  I came across one that I found rather amusing/confusing given the current situation from mid-March ‘06.

 

Breathe New Life

I’m sorry again for not writing more often this week.  It’s been a crazy week for me and it’s, well…ok…technically it is Friday now.  I had a girl friend come into town to visit for a couple days.  **Sunny, since she’s a rae of sunshine. ;)**  I’ll save Sunny’s story for later.  It’s too complicated and honestly, I don’t have time to jot it all down tonight. 

I don’t have time tonight because it is so late and I need to be up quite early to help my mom babysit my niece and nephews.  My oldest sister, the Entrepreneur, is scheduled for a c-section at 8 am tomorrow morning.  We have long been awaiting the arrival of this little one.  It was supposed to be born almost a month ago due to the difficult pregnancy but things started to balance out towards the end so they pushed the birth off as long as they could.  So, tomorrow, I will become an aunt again.  :)  I’m ecstatic! 

Ok, rather than just post about the upcoming birth, I will add in a little something about dating but tonight it’s not the conventional type of dating you’re used to hearing me talk about.  I’m talking about dating your significant other again.  I was talking to the Entrepreneur on the phone today while she told me how scared and excited she is for tomorrow’s due date.  This is HUGE **so is she** because she and her youngest, 2.5 y/o, have been living with my parents since June.  First of all, you’d have to understand what a feet it is to last nearly 6 months back in that house, to do it with a 2 y/o and pregnant is just nuts.  My sister is excited for the birth to be over since she will be able to move back home with the rest of her family; husband, daughter 4, and son almost 6.  She was most excited about being with her husband again.  She said it was strange to feel like a visitor in her own home and that her and her husband haven’t had quality time together since basically about the time she moved in with my parents.  She’s excited to reform their marriage and family.  She also noted that it will be great to get back onto their schedule.

B.C. (before children) they were very good about scheduling a date night at least once a month.  They would go out to dinner stay for a drink or two and just enjoy each other.  Date each other again.  Renew their attraction and add some extra zing into their married life.  

It is so easy to fall into the swing of things and forget about the extras, the stuff that keeps the spark alive.  I’m not saying that you need to go out to a fancy schmancy restaurant or event in order to rekindle the excitement but if you’re used to cuddling on the couch and watching movies, well, do something else once in a while.  It’s true, women love to be wined and dined but all they really need is an extra reason to put a little makeup on for a change and put on some clothes that require ironing.  And when we, women, do that for you men…say something.  Notice it.  And tell us how beautiful we are.  Break out and do something special.  It’s those little things that you’ll always remember. 

So many couples talk about how their love is fading or they are in the midst of divorce because the attraction has faded.  To those people, I pose this question.  When was the last time that you did something special together as a couple?  There’s such an excitement when you first start dating.  You’re learning so much about the other person with every word that is said.  So often, after years of dating or marriage it’s almost as though some couples stop listening.  They stop paying attention to the other persons needs, fears, wants.  Make a point of clearing the schedule for quality couple time and truly be with that person during that time.  Turn off the cell phone and focus on the person sitting with you.  People need to work on ‘dating’ through their relationships and marriage.  Who knows, it might prevent more divorces and so many people would be happier because their needs were being heard and met.

Inspiration for this post was taken from my sister as well as this blog post about Dating your husband again.  Take a look. 

I’m sorry if this post is a little all over the place ** I don’t feel like proofreading** my mind is on the new life I’ll be meeting tomorrow morning.  :)