The Word Is Out

Well, the job hunt/prospect of movie is in motion.  I spent most of the weekend updating my resume.  It’s been quite some time since I’ve looked at my resume.  I was impressed with the things I have accomplished in only 3 yrs at my current job.  I also realized the promotion I received earlier this year on my 3rd anniversary with the company is a promotion for those with a minimum of 4 yrs experience.  I not only was given the promotion with 3 yrs experience but was also given a leadership opportunity.  Hey, I must be doing something right. 

 

The Saga (Part 5 - Conflicted)

Start from the top:  
The Saga (Part 1)
The Saga (Part 2 - Monday at work)
The Saga (Part 3 - …and away we go)
The Saga (Part 4 - The ‘REAL’ talk)

With a hangover from the night before, I stumbled into work on Wednesday.  Of course I couldn’t leave the dilemma I was still conflicted with alone.  I emailed the Old Man.

tS:My head hurts. Not only has it been spinning over the thought of you but last night I added god only knows how many beers to the problem.

Last night was tougher on me than I thought it would be and I started to question everything in my life. One thing I noticed is that we never discuss our feelings. We answer with very calculated, well thought out answers. We are both skeptical that the right one is out there for us. Maybe they are out there or maybe we are setting ourselves up for failure by thinking they are. What I’m trying to say is that nearly everyone compromises in some way to choose to be with someone else. I’m sure we both have those friends who marry someone and when you meet that person you think, “this is who they married? They are nothing like I pictured, nothing like they’ve dated in the past.” I am constantly thrown by the people I see my friends with but are they settling? Maybe they’ve realized the things they think they wanted just aren’t as important as being with someone who loves them and makes them feel good about themselves no matter what the rest of the package contains.

I feel as though I haven’t been really living MY life. A lot of the time I feel I am living the life that others think I should have. I told people from the time I was 5, I was going to be an architect. My junior year of HS came and it was time to chose a college. My dad sat me down one day and said, “I don’t know if architecture is a good way to go.” He had talked to one of his patients who was an architect/engineer and apparently they wished they had gone into engineering first before architecture. Maybe they would have realized they could make a better living in engineering and not even gone into architecture. I asked, “Engineering? What kind of engineering?” And so I applied to a bunch of engineering schools because my dad said I should. He knew I wasn’t happy there so during my 3rd yr he promised me if I finished the degree (because my family aren’t quitters. We finish what we start) he would help me with architecture school as well.

Another eye opener happened the other day when I asked my mom why we live here and I told her my only reason for being in WI was because they were here. She told me that wasn’t a good reason. Again, I’m doing what I should be doing and not necessarily what I want to be doing.

A long time ago, I may have been 10, my dad and I got talking about kids. I told him I wanted 2. He told me 2 wasn’t enough. 3 would be better. It would form a democracy between the kids. If one was doing something silly the other two would be there to stop them, etc. And so it was written. I was to have 3 kids because my dad said so and he had thought it out. Is it what I want? I don’t know.

I feel as though my world is caving in around me. All I’ve been trying to do my whole life is make others proud. I put others before myself and my own needs so much that I don’t know what I need or what I really want. I feel as though I owe it to myself to figure that out. I owe it to myself to give you and I a chance. If children are the one thing that stands in our way, is that really a good reason to not be with the person who could potentially make me happy in every other way? Everyone compromises something. I don’t know if I can compromise children but I’m not sure I want to compromise you because I think I maybe someday might possibly want one.

I know I’m rambling.
Thoughts?

 

I Can’t Believe This is Happening to Me

This weekend I was out on the town with a few familiar faces. Not anyone who I am really close with, seeing as how most of my friends were out of town for the weekend, but people who I know and a few of their friends. One of the people I hung out with was one of my girl friends who I hadn’t seen in sometime and I met one of her other girl friends. She was sweet, nice looking, and we got along well.

The following night, I was out with a few different friends at a new restaurant with a happening bar. (I was there for the bar.) I glanced up and there was my new friend from the night before and right next to her was the Old Man. I was floored! Not only had I not talked to him in over a week and never thought I’d see him again, but he was in my town out on a date. I was a little pissed about it. **I’m trying to get over you fucker and you can’t stay away from MY city? You have to DATE in MY city? What the FUCK?** I tried to be the good sport. I made eye contact with the woman and smiled. I saw the look on the Old Man’s face when he realized I knew his date. Pure horror!

 

Here’s to New Friends.

It’s been quite the weekend.  As you all know, my Friday did not start out so good.  I knew there was no way in hell I should sit at home and pout.  I assembled my single and available friends to go out with me…all one of them.  Ironically the only friend who didn’t already have plans was my new best friend.  She moved here nearly 2 months ago.  JT is a good friend and now roommate of my friends Kat and LP.  Thank goodness for her.  I needed someone to be with for the night.  I took her downtown to a bunch of gallery’s and boutiques that were open late for the night offering wine, champagne, and hors d’oeuvres.  After several stops and many drinks later we heading back to my place before the bars.  My roommate was actually hitting the town with some of her coworkers.  We, JT and I, decided to tag along. 

 

New Dating Service

LOCAL ARCHITECTURE FIRM ENTERS MATCHMAKING BUSINESS
Stock Plummets

MILWAUKEE (AP) –  If the outlook for love in the United States is
rosy, you wouldn’t know it by the stock prices of one of Wisconsin’s
most prominent architectural companies.  Employees at [Firm Name],
the rapidly growing Milwaukee area architectural firm, announced
Wednesday the latest step in their expansion effort: to ensure all
single people are no longer persecuted by happily married, engaged or
in a relationship family members and friends.  “We understand
Christmas and the holidays are the toughest times of the year for
people to be single.  We want to change that,” said [Firm Name] CFO
[DM]. The new project, dubbed Engineering Mutual Attraction,
joins such popular services as Match.com, eHarmony and
HornyMatches.com  “We don’t just build buildings, we build
relationships,” added Senior Project Architect [RJ]. “By
utilizing a complex system engaging graphical syntax with often a
textual form and a formally defined syntax and semantics, the Engineeri
ng Mutual Attraction program successfully…..”

TO READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE, PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO WWW.DUMBICEBREAKERS.COM

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You can imagine my surprise when I received this in my inbox at work.  I read it 3 times before I saw the bottom line, dumbicebreakers.com.  I looked at the email address again.  I recongnized the last name.  Ah-ha!  The son of the said CFO of my company.  The CFO had been commenting to me for at least a year now about his son being my age.  At my company’s holiday party I met his wife and the topic came up again.  The happy couple (my CFO) said they could arrange something.  Well, apparently they did.  The son, Video Producer Guy **Ooo, that could be fun…as my mind is thinking naughty thoughts**, emailed me right after the new year.  I gave him my number yesterday.  I wonder when he’ll call.  Hmm?  I was hoping for tonight but now it’s starting to get late.  Who knows?  I do know that he has a similar sleep schedule to me.  (We were both up the other night at midnight checking our work email for messages from each other.) I’m nervous to talk to this guy.  Normally I wouldn’t feel this way…as much, but this is my boss’s son.  If I royally screw this one up, NOT GOOD!  I haven’t even seen a picture of this guy.  I wonder if he’s seen one of me.  This could be very bad.  WTF have I gotten myself into this time?  SHIT!